Why are dates important in a relationship?

It is hard to understate the importance of dates in a romantic relationship. Dates provide vital and protected time for partners to connect. 

Drs. John and Julie Gottman are psychologists, who not only are the king and queen of relationship research but they are married! They have spent the last 40 years doing research on what makes or breaks romantic relationships and have identified several core aspects of successful (happy and healthy) relationships including:

• knowing each other intimately

• shared fondness and admiration

• safety to express feelings and meet each others needs

• creating shared meaning

• managing conflict in a healthy manner

• giving your partner the benefit of the doubt

• working together to make dreams come true

Date nights can help with all of these components by creating dedicated time for intimacy. Dates create opportunities for partners to have great conversations, fun, express admiration, do thoughtful things for each other, and add meaning to each other’s lives. They also create positivity, which research shows is a vital buffer to coping with the stress of life, both for the partnership and the individuals. Date nights create the mood and space for flirting and physical intimacy as well.

If that doesn’t sell you consider this: the Gottmans have found in their research that successful relationships have 5 positive interactions (at least) for every negative one and date nights let you add more experiences to the positive bank. 

Barriers to Date Night

OK, so you’re on board with how important date nights are, but that doesn’t mean they’re easy to make happen. The three main barriers to date night are time, money, and childcare. 

Time: As the Gottmans say, “if you’re too busy for date night, you’re too busy.” At the same time, I want to validate that there is never enough time. Time is by far our most precious resource and it’s always in short supply. However, date nights are more than a good time, they are an important commitment and investment in your relationship. It is vital to make the time. Schedule it on your calendar and treat it like you would an important appointment that you would make sure you attended. Sit down together and look at where your time is going and where you can free up some time (pay special attention to how much time you end up being on devices in the same room not interacting much). You can also get creative and do mini-date nights until things free up a bit. 

Money: Dates do not have to be expensive and I’ve purposely included some budget friendly ideas. Remember, it’s not how much you spend, it’s the time spent together connecting. 

Childcare: This can be a real challenge. Date nights are definitely worth hiring a babysitter for if you can swing it. You can also trade off babysitting with friends so that both of you get date nights. Worst case scenario, carve out time together after the kids are asleep, even if it means you have to have an afternoon coffee to stay awake.

Date Night Ideas in Greater Los Angeles

Outdoor Date Ideas

The greater Los Angeles area has so many great outdoor spaces for all kinds of interests and ability levels. Get outside and get some vitamin D together.

• Go for a hike on one of the many great trails. Modern Hiker is a great resource for local trails and you can search by difficulty, length, feature, or if they are dog friendly or not. Personally, my favorites are hiking to the Hollywood Sign via the Batcave, Kenneth Hahn State Park, which gives a great view of downtown Los Angeles with the mountains in the background, anything in Griffith Park, Sandstone Peak in the Santa Monica Mountains, the trails on the Palos Verdes Peninsula along the ocean cliffs, and Topanga Canyon State Park near Malibu.

• Check out a garden. Whether you like getting a brisk walk in or sitting back and taking it all in, Los Angeles has some great gardens that are the perfect backdrop for a date. Los Angeles County Arboretum, the Huntington Botanical Gardens, and South Coast Botanic Gardens are my favorites. They all three have fun and/or educational events throughout the year too. 

• Pack a picnic to a local park. LA has so many to choose from! Popular choices include Palisades Park along the ocean in Santa Monica, Echo Park Lake, El Dorado or Bluff Park in Long Beach, Grand Park downtown, or just whatever little park is in your neighborhood. Or throw down a blanket and read a book together and cuddle if picnics aren’t your thing. 

• Head to the beach. Palos Verdes, Santa Monica, the Beach Cities (Manhattan, Redondo, and Hermosa), as well as Orange County Beaches like Huntington and Newport are all popular places to soak up some sun. Don’t forget the sunscreen, nothing kills the mood like a killer burn, plus you can have your honey rub it in for you. :)

Food & Drink Date Ideas

We are so lucky to have such a great culinary scene in Southern California. Take advantage of it with your partner! There is literally every kind of cuisine available here. 

• Make a list of different cuisines you want to explore and pick one per date night. You can even make a whole evening/afternoon of it if you choose to explore the neighborhood where a particular cuisine is most likely to be found in high concentration. For example, Koreatown, Little Saigon, etc.

• Make a DIY food crawl of some kind. For example, go on a taco crawl, where you share different tacos at a few locations. Consider picking a food/cuisine that LA is known for like tacos, donuts, burgers, Korean food, French dip sandwiches, or vegan food.

• Check out one of the many food festivals like Smorgasbord or the Food Bowl Night Market or any of a huge number of smaller local festivals. I guarantee there is a festival celebrating the food or drink you like. My partner and I went to the Night Market on our 3rd date and to this day both talk about how fun it was and what a great thing it was to do to further our relationship at that stage. Don’t forget the Grand Central Market, which feels like a food festival 7 days a week!

• If you drink, do a wine, whisky, beer, etc. tasting together. Just don’t forget to get a ride home! Los Angeles has a ton of wine bars, breweries, and distilleries. You can do this at home too if you’re on a budget. 

Cultural Date Ideas

Food and drink are a huge part of culture, but there are so many more options. 

• Los Angeles has a great theater scene. Catch a play together at a classic place like the Pantages, Orpheum, or Geffen theaters or a local playhouse like the Hermosa Beach Community Theater, Pasadena Playhouse, or Long Beach Playhouse. Community theater is often a bargain!

• Check out one of LA’s many great museums like the Griffith Observatory (go at night and stargaze together!), the Skirball Center, California Science Center, or the Peterson Automotive Museum. There’s truly something for everyone. LA even has a ton of weird and offbeat smaller museums, including the Museum of Broken Relationships. Museums often have a free day. 

• Take in some art at one of the many great art galleries. Favorites include the Broad, Los Angeles County Museum of Art (LACMA), and the Getty, all of which have free days as well. But there are a ton of smaller museums with really interesting exhibits as well.

• If you are into sports, go see a game together! LA is home to a professional team in all sports (Lakers and Clippers for basketball, Rams and Chargers for football, Kings and Ducks for hockey, Dodgers and Angels for baseball, and the Galaxy for soccer) as well as a ton of collegiate sporting events (and best of luck to you if one of you is a diehard UCLA fan and the other is a diehard USC fan). Or go do something athletic together like disc golf at El Dorado Park in Long Beach, surfing in Huntington Beach, or volleyball in Santa Monica or Manhattan Beach.

• Experience the thrill of live music together. The Hollywood Bowl is a classic, but also not to be missed is the Walt Disney Concert Hall. Local colleges and universities put on shows as well, often very inexpensively, and of course having such great weather means that outdoor concerts are a frequent occurrence. Many cities put on free live music series, especially in the summer. 

Physical Intimacy Date Ideas from A Sexual Health Psychologist

Some dates just lend themselves to physical intimacy because they encourage touching or have a sexy undertone to them. Lean into it to jumpstart physical intimacy.

• Attend a burlesque show together. A quick Google search shows multiple burlesque shows weekly all across greater Los Angeles. There’s even burlesque brunch!

• Go explore a sex toy and/or lingerie store. Spice things up by shopping together for a sex toy or accessory (think a fun new lube or pillow to help positioning). Even if you just browse, you’ll have a good time, and don’t worry about being embarrassed. The employees that work at these stores really know their stuff and don’t judge. They’ve seen it all. And what’s more, these stores tend to be really inclusive, educational, and all about empowerment. Popular stores in LA include the Pleasure Chest in West Hollywood (something for everyone, including comedy night and educational classes), Secret Desires in Santa Monica (romance novel vibes), Rough Trade Gear in Silver Lake (more of a focus on men), and The Stockroom (specializing in BDSM products). If you’re just too anxious to go to a store, shop together from the comfort of home at a feminist online sex toy store like Babeland, which will ship to you in nondescript packaging. Don’t forget to schedule a Date Night Part 2 once your merchandise arrives!

• Hit the dance floor! Swing, silent disco, salsa, or hip hop at a club, pick something you both love and go for it. Set aside your feelings about your ability and just focus on the connection with your partner and having fun. Alternatively, light some candles and put on some music for a dance party at home.

I hope this list has helped generate some creative ideas and motivation to invest in your relationship via date nights (or mornings or days). Have fun!

Get Support Enhancing Your Relationship with Sex Therapy in Los Angeles, CA

Well Woman Psychology can help you take your intimate connection with your partner to the next level and support you in managing conflict in your relationship. As an intimacy and sexual health Psychologist, I want to support you and your relationship(s). It can be hard to reach out for support in making your relationship better, but you are not alone and this is something that most people can benefit from. Start the journey to a happier relationship with these steps.

1. Reach out for a consultation at Well Woman Psychology

2. Schedule an appointment for therapy for relationship issues and/or sex therapy.

3. Start improving your intimate connections.

Other Online Therapy Services I Offer in California, Illinois, & Washington

Well Woman Psychology is here to support your unique struggles as a woman. Along with individual relationship therapy and sex therapy we also provide body image therapy, EMDR therapy, trauma therapy, and PTSD treatment. As a therapist for women, I am here to support your reproductive health. With therapy for miscarriage, infertility, pregnancy, and new moms. All of my services are offered throughout the state of California with online therapy. As well as in Illinois, New York, and Washington.

About the Author, A Los Angeles Sexual Health Psychologist:

Dr. Linda Baggett is a Licensed Psychologist at Well Woman Psychology. She received her PhD in Counseling Psychology from the University of Memphis. As a sexual health psychologist, she specializes in helping people identify and remove barriers to have satisfying and healthy intimate relationships. She also works with clients individually on relationship issues, to strengthen the connection and intimacy with their partners.

Disclaimer: This blog is for educational and informational purposes only, is not a substitute for individual medical or mental health advice, and does not constitute a client-therapist relationship.